Don’t look now, y’all, but October is just about over. How did that happen? It just started day before yesterday.
Halloween is next week, and I am hoping the little kids will have their chance to dress up and beg for candy Thursday night. This weekend is relegated to adult parties where grown-ups get to return to those thrilling days of yesteryear and for one evening be somebody or something that they aren’t.
Congress gets to do that 365 days a year.
Cheap shot? Sorry. Too easy to leave on the table.
But you know what happens once that last popcorn ball or caramel apple is eaten on Oct. 31. It’s Christmas Eve.
You know it’s true. Forget all the stuff in between.
I realize that we will go through the motions in November. We will go to work every day and pause over weekends to see what happens as the college and pro football seasons wind down. Well, everybody but Falcons fans will. I am pretty sure that segment of society in the North Georgia Piedmont has moved on to next September. But the rest of us will. Unless Georgia loses next week in the game that is scheduled to follow the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.
Georgia fans, these days, seem to be with their team win or draw, and a second loss will create a fire sale on StubHub the likes of which we haven’t seen in a while. Just saying.
But you know and I know that, other than the aforementioned activities of work and play, the cultural side of the Yuletide season will dominate our lives. Shopping. Decorating. Socializing. Shopping. Shopping. Shopping.
The religious component of the proposition? Well, we’ll plan to go to a service on Christmas Eve. Maybe. If they’ll plan one that doesn’t interfere with our parties. Choral presentations and cantatas and the like? Please have those really early, like no later than the first weekend in December, so we can get it over with.
You think I jest? Oh, you know I don’t. Case in point.
Let’s look at the Hallmark Channel. Well, not the actual channel, but their schedule. The greeting card company network has 40 new Christmas movies this year. Count them. Forty. That’s one for every day Christ was tempted by Satan in the wilderness. That’s one for each and every day of Lent. That’s one for every day it rained during Noah’s flood. That’s one for every year Georgia will have gone without a national championship in football when 2020 arrives. Forty.
Oh, so you want to see them all? Too late. The first one was Friday night. Oct. 25. October.
Yep. The Hallmark Channel started its countdown to Christmas on Oct. 25 this year.
Exhibit two. Retail establishments. They started putting out stuff weeks ago. I walked into our local branch of the store with the big red bullseye on Wednesday, and Christmas slapped me right in the face. Just inside the door was a rack of ugly Christmas sweaters. Actually, these garments weren’t ugly, they were uuuugly! That’s the backside of ugly. Except they were ugly on purpose, mocking the ugly Christmas sweaters we used to buy because we thought they were pretty — in a festively tacky sort of way.
They even have adult union suits so folks can go to bed during the holidays dressed as the Grinch or the little snowman dude from Disney’s Frozen.
Of course, they had their tinsel and garlands and lights and ribbons and bows and . . . Well, you get the picture.
My lovely wife, Lisa, made me visit several other big box stores over the past few days and each was a carbon copy of the other. Retailers aren’t rushing the season. They have called an all-out safety blitz.
The Rich’s Great Tree lighting, which is now held at Macey’s in Lennox Square, is on Nov. 18. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Santa Claus arrives at Phipp’s Plaza on Nov. 1. That’s not a misprint.
Anybody want in on a betting pool? Guess the first day a local radio stations plays “Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer”?
Hello! Remember Thanksgiving? Pilgrims? Indians? Turkey and dressing?
I guess I’m just getting to be an old curmudgeon, but I think the Christmas spirit gets diluted when you spread it out over a two-month period, and when the day finally arrives, we’ve worn ourselves out during the buildup.
But to each his own. Y’all celebrate Christmas anyway you choose. As for me, I’m going to let November be November. And while we are rushing the seasons — I’m still very thankful for Dan Magill.