Hey guys, Will Durst, your candidate for Lieutenant Governor from the State of Confusion, here to warn you about a dangerous conspiracy being foisted on an unsuspecting American public.
A malignancy so embedded, it is guaranteed to be lurking in your refrigerator right now. Poised to poison your person. Yes, I'm talking about the terrible torment that is … Milk. Heifer Hooch. Guernsey Juice. Raw, skim, 2 percent, whole, condensed, evaporated or goat. It's all the same thing: depravity in a glass.
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