And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's two days into fall. What does that mean? Let me explain. It means that Halloween and chocolate candy are coming. It means I'm going to have to turn the air off and the heat up. It means that the space between my window-unit air conditioner and the window sill above my couch is going to cause me to catch a cold, lose sleep and have to buy nasal spray, decongestant and Thera-flu.

It means that every time I come home in the evening, my apartment will be about the temperature of my TV dinner.

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